Well let's see...I survived our first wedding anniversary ALONE. I must say though it was the most peaceful day I have had since Derek passed away. God opened the skies for me and gave me a beautiful sun filled moment, filled with lots of hope for my future until I see Derek again. I ate lunch with some friends, I went to the beach and then went to dinner with his best friends. It was a very sad day and I cried a LOT, but He was right here with me....I felt him.
I went to the beach right where we got married at the exact time I became his wife. I cut our cake and I talked to him, cried to him and then laughed and smiled as I remembered our greatest times together. It is amazing to me how much I loved Derek and how much he loved me. I never knew that kind of love really exsisted and then to have it STOLEN from me. I just don't understand...which led to Monday being an absolutely SAD day....
I miss him so much...more and more every day. I miss him lying in bed with me, being here when I get home from work, and lots of other times. But I miss him most when I just need someone to share my "new" work schedule(and complain, of course) with or just talk to about my day. I need him to say...baby it is all going to be ok...that is what I need. I need him to hug me/kiss me and tell me he loves me....whenever he told me he loved me....all my troubles disappeared.
Now I am faced with the biggest trouble I have been faced with in my life and he isn't here.....I HATE this. I need him to make the loss of him all better...he made everything all better....
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